I guess I could pretend that it hasn't been six months since my last post... but I have to explain away my guilt because it's who I am.
For the most part, I've just been caught up with having a life, which is good and bad. My "new" job at SLUG as Editorial Assistant has kept me incredibly busy and happy. I was afraid that I would never find my dream job, because I couldn't ever remember the dream, but this is it. If you wake up every morning dreading going to work, quit now, because believe me in that it'll make an enormously positive difference in your life when you find a job you're happy with.
SLUG is also responsible for my exceptional boyfriend. I started dating the handsome and wonderful Chris Proctor around the same time as my last post (I'm totally putting most of the blame on him for my lack of posting). It was a little awkward at first because I'm technically one of his supervisors at SLUG, but we've gotten used to the teasing, and believe me when I say that when we're at work, it's like we barely know each other... I think Chris was a little bit surprised by how serious I was about remaining professional at work, but I think it's 'cause he's the guy who sits in the back of the classroom chatting with his friends during the lecture, and I'm the one sitting front and center furiously scribbling notes. And this is why I love him :)
Those two things, in combination with my many writing assignments for SLUG, social engagements and moving twice in the past six months, have pretty much left any leftover thoughts and feelings just floating around in my brain while I veg out in front of the TV in the brief dust-settling moments. This is the bad part: This blog and the poetry I used to write in my spare time were necessary outlets. It was me time that I've always needed to stay happy and sane. Not that I'm unhappy without it... just not quite as whole as I could be.
So, since I'm finally settled into a place that feels comfortable, I'm confident in my job and my relationship, I think it's time to bring this back. I don't think anyone reads blogs anymore, so I think I'm going to make this private and if you want to follow it, you'll have to subscribe. Probably not for another week or so, though.
Anyway, I know this post wasn't as fun and sarcastic as you might like it to be (and I'd like it to be), but it's just a warm-up. Thanks for reading, if you are.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Will You Go To Prom With Me?
Some pics of me at Bike Prom from various sources. Good times were had... oh yes they were.
The ride had over 100 cyclists show up and was definitely one of my favorite parts of the event.
Me and my roomie Lisa :)
I was in charge of the raffle... but really I'm including this one 'cause my boobs look fucking awesome.
I am a dancing fiend...
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Happiness: We're In This Together
I'm three months in to 24 years of inhales and exhales... Can't think of a better time to go through my quarter-life crisis than now that I'm actually nearing that segment of life.
Not really sure where to begin on this one. I've been at a loss for words lately in my everyday life and it's left me with an excess of emotion just bubbling to get out. My attempts at suppressing and controlling everything I feel have been mildly successful thus far, but I can see it turning into a cartoon cliche soon. You know, the one where a hole gets poked in the water tank and someone sticks their finger in it, but the water finds its way out of another hole and another until there are no more fingers and toes left and the pressure's built up so much that it just blows up and everyone drowns... I kid I kid, I don't think things are to the point where my cartoon life would end in tragedy, in fact, it might be a good kind of wet if that water tank blew up.
Back to the crisis for a minute. I think the root of it stems from a kind of schizophrenic battle going on between two opposing parts of my personality. There's the responsible, career-driven, organized and careful Esther, and struggling to break through is the hedonistic, risk-taking, care-free Esther. These two have been at odds with each other since my teenage years, but they seemed to have found a balance for a while and were satisfied with the path they chose to follow together. The problem now is that the road has forked, and not only do they want to go their separate ways, but they both have incredibly good arguments as to why I should follow one or the other. (I'm not entirely sure where the third Esther fits into all of this... maybe just an empty specter tagging along behind.)
I'll be completely honest here, though the responsible Esther is telling me to shut up as she often does, hedonistic Esther is winning me over. Maybe it's because her hedonism has turned more Epicurean (thank you, Kyle) and my overwhelmed and over-worked mind is begging for a simple life. You'd think responsible Esther would give me a break, but she's the one forcing me to be productive, to think about my future and finances and all the things I dread about growing older. She's the one that keeps reminding me of little Esther, who had big dreams and a ten-year plan that ended with me on Oprah. Happy-go-lucky Esther wants me to forget all of that, quit my jobs, apply for a bunch of credit cards and spend the next five years traveling the world.
Thus the crisis. Instead of dealing with it, I'm staying as busy as possible. I don't know what to do with my life, so I'm doing everything. I'm taking flamenco classes, organizing bike events, working any and every job offered to me, taking on assignments and saying yes yes YES! to anything that will keep me preoccupied... oh and eating. Boy, am I eating. I need to substitute some of that gnawing with running.
These are my fingers and toes that I keep plugging up the holes in the water tank with. Oh shit, I'm getting lonely, better stick a finger in it! (Jesus, you guys are perverts.)
I guess we'll just have to see whether the explosion ends in catastrophe or leads to glorious freedom.
Not really sure where to begin on this one. I've been at a loss for words lately in my everyday life and it's left me with an excess of emotion just bubbling to get out. My attempts at suppressing and controlling everything I feel have been mildly successful thus far, but I can see it turning into a cartoon cliche soon. You know, the one where a hole gets poked in the water tank and someone sticks their finger in it, but the water finds its way out of another hole and another until there are no more fingers and toes left and the pressure's built up so much that it just blows up and everyone drowns... I kid I kid, I don't think things are to the point where my cartoon life would end in tragedy, in fact, it might be a good kind of wet if that water tank blew up.
Back to the crisis for a minute. I think the root of it stems from a kind of schizophrenic battle going on between two opposing parts of my personality. There's the responsible, career-driven, organized and careful Esther, and struggling to break through is the hedonistic, risk-taking, care-free Esther. These two have been at odds with each other since my teenage years, but they seemed to have found a balance for a while and were satisfied with the path they chose to follow together. The problem now is that the road has forked, and not only do they want to go their separate ways, but they both have incredibly good arguments as to why I should follow one or the other. (I'm not entirely sure where the third Esther fits into all of this... maybe just an empty specter tagging along behind.)
I'll be completely honest here, though the responsible Esther is telling me to shut up as she often does, hedonistic Esther is winning me over. Maybe it's because her hedonism has turned more Epicurean (thank you, Kyle) and my overwhelmed and over-worked mind is begging for a simple life. You'd think responsible Esther would give me a break, but she's the one forcing me to be productive, to think about my future and finances and all the things I dread about growing older. She's the one that keeps reminding me of little Esther, who had big dreams and a ten-year plan that ended with me on Oprah. Happy-go-lucky Esther wants me to forget all of that, quit my jobs, apply for a bunch of credit cards and spend the next five years traveling the world.
Thus the crisis. Instead of dealing with it, I'm staying as busy as possible. I don't know what to do with my life, so I'm doing everything. I'm taking flamenco classes, organizing bike events, working any and every job offered to me, taking on assignments and saying yes yes YES! to anything that will keep me preoccupied... oh and eating. Boy, am I eating. I need to substitute some of that gnawing with running.
These are my fingers and toes that I keep plugging up the holes in the water tank with. Oh shit, I'm getting lonely, better stick a finger in it! (Jesus, you guys are perverts.)
I guess we'll just have to see whether the explosion ends in catastrophe or leads to glorious freedom.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
On To The Next One
A lot of shitty things went down this weekend, hand in hand with the good, but I don't even want to gripe about it. I know, who am I, right?
All I want to focus on is that I had a really great time at Bike Prom. I found the perfect outfit that was fancy but all me. The ride brought out over a hundred people and was amazing to be a part of. I had a lot of fun working the door and trying to hustle people into buying raffle tickets. I got to pick the numbers for the raffle, which was kind of exciting 'cause I felt like I was winning every time. One of the most gorgeous men I've ever met decided he wanted to dance with ME, even though his sexual orientation may not be on my team, but oh my god could he dance and I felt special for a minute and he even asked for my number.
All I want to focus on is that I had a really great time at Bike Prom. I found the perfect outfit that was fancy but all me. The ride brought out over a hundred people and was amazing to be a part of. I had a lot of fun working the door and trying to hustle people into buying raffle tickets. I got to pick the numbers for the raffle, which was kind of exciting 'cause I felt like I was winning every time. One of the most gorgeous men I've ever met decided he wanted to dance with ME, even though his sexual orientation may not be on my team, but oh my god could he dance and I felt special for a minute and he even asked for my number.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
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